My Total Kraft Incompetence

"That is the ugliest effing skirt I've ever seen."

You'll notice that the piddliest section on this blog is the Krafty Krap tab. This is because I suck at crafts. Pinterest is the worst because it somehow inflates my confidence and convinces me that there's no reason I can't just grab Husband's old "Cut Your Mullet" t-shirt and make myself an adorable produce sack.

Fucking Pinterest.

However, despite my complete lack of Kraft Kompetence, I do have a few non-shameful projects under my belt. I can Mod Podge the SHIT out of some shit. Evidence of the time I spray-painted a basket is all over my front step.  And believe it or not, I even made myself a dress. From a pattern. With a sewing machine.

Granted, it was for a class in college and I had a very talented costume designer standing over my shoulder to assist when I screwed up (which I did), but I did do all the work myself. And the dress did fit like...well, like it was made for me!

I like to think that this is my great-great grandmother.

So while I harbor no delusions that I possess talent for sewing or crafting at all, I know that with some guidance and a little confidence, I can get by. This is why I'm going to ask Husband to please buy me a real sewing machine for Christmas. And then I'm going to harass all my talented friends (and I have many) about helping me. 'Cause see, I want to make some pretty things, but I need my capable friends to keep me from attaching my fingers to a pillowcase or some shit.

I also really want Bear and (eventually) Bug to learn to sew, by hand and on a machine. I am capable of re-attaching a button or closing a seam, but it's not pretty. It's functional. I want better fer mah babys.

I know that this is probably not the best time in our lives to be purchasing things that take up space, but I don't care. I want to be able to fix things without begging friends to take pity on me. I'd like to make my own bedskirt. I plan to make t-shirt quilts for both Husband and Bear. And I want to find a sweater at the GAP Outlet for $3.99 and know that the tear in the seam is not a deal breaker.

So Imma learn to sew better. If nothing else, this new adventure should provide you all with some entertainment. :/

Psst...talented friends—can I bring you a coffee or a Chai tea?