Wednesday, August 1, 2012

My Total Kraft Incompetence

"That is the ugliest effing skirt I've ever seen."

You'll notice that the piddliest section on this blog is the Krafty Krap tab. This is because I suck at crafts. Pinterest is the worst because it somehow inflates my confidence and convinces me that there's no reason I can't just grab Husband's old "Cut Your Mullet" t-shirt and make myself an adorable produce sack.

Fucking Pinterest.

However, despite my complete lack of Kraft Kompetence, I do have a few non-shameful projects under my belt. I can Mod Podge the SHIT out of some shit. Evidence of the time I spray-painted a basket is all over my front step.  And believe it or not, I even made myself a dress. From a pattern. With a sewing machine.

Granted, it was for a class in college and I had a very talented costume designer standing over my shoulder to assist when I screwed up (which I did), but I did do all the work myself. And the dress did fit like...well, like it was made for me!

I like to think that this is my great-great grandmother.
So while I harbor no delusions that I possess talent for sewing or crafting at all, I know that with some guidance and a little confidence, I can get by. This is why I'm going to ask Husband to please buy me a real sewing machine for Christmas. And then I'm going to harass all my talented friends (and I have many) about helping me. 'Cause see, I want to make some pretty things, but I need my capable friends to keep me from attaching my fingers to a pillowcase or some shit.

I also really want Bear and (eventually) Bug to learn to sew, by hand and on a machine. I am capable of re-attaching a button or closing a seam, but it's not pretty. It's functional. I want better fer mah babys.

I know that this is probably not the best time in our lives to be purchasing things that take up space, but I don't care. I want to be able to fix things without begging friends to take pity on me. I'd like to make my own bedskirt. I plan to make t-shirt quilts for both Husband and Bear. And I want to find a sweater at the GAP Outlet for $3.99 and know that the tear in the seam is not a deal breaker.

So Imma learn to sew better. If nothing else, this new adventure should provide you all with some entertainment. :/

Psst...talented friends—can I bring you a coffee or a Chai tea?

1 comment:

  1. I will help you if you need it, yes you need a sewing machine.