Friday, June 22, 2012

Things I Don't Care For—Part Two

 "F***in' Chuck Norris."

I feel like I've been a little bit too positive lately, so it seems like a good time for a fresh installment of Things I Don't Care For.

Adults and the word "yummy"

What makes this one even worse is that I do it, too. But I'm self-aware enough to hate myself for it. When did "yummy" become a word that grown-ups use in a non-ironic way or when talking to each other as opposed to their children? It sounds ridiculous.

I blame Rachael Ray. I don't think this was a phenomenon before that bubbly bitch came along and started dumbing everyone down with her thirty-minute meals and her sunshine farts.

Toothpaste on my boob

You know what I'm talking about, ladies. It goes right along with "deodorant on my black tank top" and "spaghetti sauce on that belly roll I keep tucking in to my waistband".

Non-napping children during naptime

Because regardless of what I say before I go into my darkened room to put Bug down for his nap, Bear WILL want/need something the second the baby gets drowsy. It never, ever fails. Even locking the door is pointless because SHE WILL KNOCK.

Magic fabric-of-space-and-time-ripping coffee grounds

You know—the ones that somehow manage to get into your mug, regardless of how impossible it seems. They give me The Anger in a major way.

Keyword whoring

Especially by sites that don't really need to do it, like Amazon. I try to search on Swagbucks everyday to earn my points, and usually I just plug in random shit to see what happens. One time this happened:

Click to enlarge

Okay, so maybe keyword whoring has its place. I won't pretend I didn't snort at that one.


  1. It drives me nuts when people leave time on the microwave. Fine, your popcorn was done seven seconds early. CLEAR THE DAMN TIMER. I'm made fun of for this on occasion. OK, almost daily. Because people KEEP doing it.

  2. Ooh, I hate that, too! Bear does that all the time. She'll stop something a few seconds early and just leave the timer there blinking. NO.

  3. Snort. I am definitely a victim of the Yummy Conspiracy. I use this word frequently, though never, ever in a wide-eyed, cotton-candy stupor or anything. Just as part of everyday conversation. "OK this spaghetti stuff I made is pretty yummy." It's all dead pan and stuff. Please don't disown me.

    You know what I hate? I hate that I rarely spend $3 on a cup of coffee from a coffee place, and then when I do, some weird science shit happens between the top third of the cup and bottom third that turns the little hole in the lid into a fucking dribble cup. I have coffee all over me and NOTHING CHANGED between the time I started this cup of coffee and now, when it's nearly gone. What the hell?? It's not like I'm chomping on it. It's not like someone has snuck in and carved a small, invisible slit in the plastic. The cardboard does not appear to be corroded. It looks the same as it ever did, so seriously, what the hell??

  4. I can't judge or disown you because I do it, too! I try to stop myself, but it's creeped in on me and before I know it I'm eating yummy spaghetti and drinking yummy coffee and punching myself in the yummy face.

  5. OMG and then I got to the bottom of my dribble cup and wouldn't you know it? GROUNDS. Bah.