Friday, April 13, 2012

Top Five Reasons I Cannot Wait to Have More Bathrooms

 "Excuse me...pardon me, please, it's important...Fezzik, please?"

One of our absolutely non-negotiable requirements for the new house is that it have no fewer than 2.5 bathrooms, one of which will be en suite in the master. The house we're planning to build actually has five, which is probably excessive, but you know what? Even with more bathrooms than people, my kids will still find a way to need the bathroom I'm using at the exact moment I am using it. I guarantee it.

The only bathroom in the house. :/
I think most people probably agree that one bathroom isn't really enough in this day and age even for just three people, let alone four plus guests, but let me break it down for you. Here are the top five reasons I cannot wait to have more bathrooms, and most of them involve poop. So if you're not big on TMI, walk away now, because I'm not going to hold back.

1.) I am brushing my teeth and my daughter walks in, sits down, and poops. She poops, two feet from me, while I am BRUSHING MY TEETH. She does not see the problem with this, unless she's the one who needs the bathroom and someone else is doing number two. Then the smell is unacceptable.

2.) I am in the shower and my daughter walks in, sits down, and poops. In addition to the same issues mentioned above, this also means that my towels are tossed on the floor, usually on the side farthest from the shower.

3.) Husband, Spazz, and I all seem to be on the same, um, schedule. This is a major problem, especially if we've had Gold Star for dinner. And Husband is sneaky. He'll saunter up to me with a smiling baby, pass said baby to me with an "Aw, do you want to see Mommy?", and then dart for the bathroom.

4.) On a less...personal...note—three people, one sink. Toothpaste in the sink is disgusting, but there's something even worse about someone else's toothpaste in the sink. Husband cleans up his toothpaste, but he also trims his beard over the sink with his electric trimmer, and he's not so great about cleaning up that part. My worst crime is leaving my makeup bag on the counter. Husband and Spazz are just gross. The master bath in the new house has separate-but-equal sinks and counter spaces. Both kids will have their own sinks and counter spaces. It's going to be glorious, because obviously everyone will take full responsibility for their own space and their own mess and I will never have to clean up after any of them again.



5.) Shower product overload! Okay, I admit that this one is mostly my fault. I have my shampoo, conditioner, body wash, exfoliating scrub, and shaving cream, not to mention little bottles of free samples I've gotten all crammed in on one or two or all of the shelves. Husband has body wash and a shampoo/conditioner combo. Spazz has shampoo, conditioner, and body wash. 'dactyl still bathes in the sink. So yeah, this one is on me, but it takes a lot to look this good every day:

So yeah, I'm looking forward to having a nice garden tub and separate shower in our master bath. With a lock on the door. And maybe a deadbolt. And soundproofing. And an escape hatch.


  1. I wish I could claim that we don't ALL typically wind up crammed into the bathroom in our bedroom every evening while I take my bath and Calgon doesn't take me anywhere, but that would be a big old lie. That said, it is extremely nice when more than one person has to GO at the same time. It is not cool to share that experience with a 5-year-old and an FU-I-will-never-be-potty-trained 3-year-old. I definitely approve of extra bathrooms. I will miss them severely when we have to go live in a crappy apartment for a while when Kurt starts professoring. Can I come to your house for my... needs?

    Love the "separate-but-equal" sinks description, too.

  2. You can come to my house anytime, and I will lock our kids out of the bathroom while Calgon takes you away in my fancy garden tub. In fact, we'll lock them in one of the other 750 bathrooms in my apparently palatial palace.

  3. We have 2.5 baths here and for some reason everyone fights over the same toilet. We are on the same schedule too, the kids and I.