Thursday, March 7, 2013

This Wall

I have to paint over this wall in a few days, and as much as I've emotionally detached myself from this, our first home, I admit I'm gutted about it. It's the most beautiful design choice in our home, and even though I've already transferred the measurements to a sheet of paper that we can take with us and recreate on a new's not this wall. This wall, in this house, which is the only home either of my babies have ever known.

When people start checking out this house, commenting on the cabinets and the counter space and the size of the bedrooms and the lack of granite, walk-in closets, and/or man caves, they will walk right past this wall. It won't register in their minds as being significant in any way. They won't have an image of my four year-old daughter trying to sneak and pop up on her toes to make herself appear taller, giggling at her own cleverness. They won't see me gently holding my one year-old son's heels against the baseboard as I take his very first wall measurement. They won't see me wrapping my arms around Bear and begging her to please, please just stop growing up.

And they shouldn't. Because to them, this is not our home. This is a house that they might want to make into their home. Once we take our things and lock that door for the last time, the life we've built here goes with us. And so do the beautiful children whose sweet, perfect heads pressed against that wall every three months for seven years.

But I'm still going to cry.


  1. I'll post more later after I get this thing out of my eye that's making me tear up. Stupid dust. *cough*

  2. Years after we had left our childhood home my younger brother went back to visit and the door on which our measurements had been inscribed was still there. He offered to purchase it (it was solid wood, walnut or maple or something), and the then owners declined, which I thought was rather mean-spirited of them.

    I feel your pain dearie. But at least you have the photos and the transfer. And your new home will be even better, I promise.