Why I Decided to Write this Crap

 "'Okay, I'm not sure where you're going with this.' 'Well, I'm not sure where you're going with this.' 'That's what I said.' 'That's what I'm saying to you.' 'All right. '...Touché.'"

Not my family.

This is that post that probably should have been the first post but it couldn't be since I was still sorting out in my mind what exactly I wanted this mess to be.

When I first began seeking information about home building and the process, I was disappointed at the dearth of real-life accounts. Sure, I found plenty of builder reviews and horror stories, but I couldn't find a place where anyone had sort of chronicled their experience as they went through it. Even though every home building experience is unique and there is no "one size fits all" how-to model, I wanted to hear about someone else's process. Maybe I was using the wrong keywords or something, but I kept coming up short.

So I figured that since my family is going to be doing this thing, I may as well step up the plate. Next year when we put the house on the market, buy our land, and begin narrowing down our choices for contractors, the focus here will shift more toward that process. Right now I talk a lot about the things we're doing in our daily lives, and I want to keep doing that because that's part of this whole life-building process. But yeah, when things really take off and we actually do Get the Hell Out of Here, I will begin talking more about the heavy lifting of building our dream home/life, and I hope some of my experience will be helpful (or even just mildly entertaining) to some of you.

That's really where we are for now. Just moving forward, trying to make good decisions that will help us reach our goals without forgetting to live in the present.  Thanks for going along on this crazy adventure with me.

Getting the Hell out of Here: Part Eight

 "I'm explaining to you because you look nervous."

Build the Dream House

This is the accumulation of what will likely be two to two and-a-half years of hard work and upheaval. Once we've sold this house, found the land we want, and spent a year to a year and-a-half saving and preparing, we'll finally break ground on our dream home.

thehousedesigners.com

This is where the shit will really hit the fan. There'll be contractors to interview, codes to review, a slew of tiny design details to work out, and compromises to be made. We'll go in with a budget and a dream and whittle away at both until a satisfactory plan can be made. We'll have to decide where to splurge and where to save for later upgrades. We'll have timetables and setbacks and frustrations and moments of elation.

And after all that, we'll have our beautiful, custom home. We'll move our family in and settle into new routines. We'll decorate and cook meals and play games and fight and learn and grow. It's going to be awesome.

In preparation for this entire process, I downloaded this really helpful ebook that outlines a typical home building process. It's not claiming to be the end-all-and-be-all of home building, but rather a nice guideline to prepare for some of the possibilities. I really enjoyed it and found it helpful because it gave me a nice idea of where to begin and where to go.

I've already begun compiling a shortlist of possible contractors based on reputation and the information on their websites, and I imagine we'll try to narrow it down to three or so to interview. We have an idea of where we feel our money will be best spent and where we can save for later upgrades and I want a builder who will offer his or her experience and insight without making us feel pushed. I'd love to find someone with experience building Craftsman-style homes, as that's what we want and I want it done right. But most of all, we want a builder we can trust not to use shoddy materials in the structure. I'd rather put in builder's-grade cabinets and counter tops and fixtures and put our money towards quality building materials, but I need to know that the contractor is actually going to follow through on that plan and not go with the cheap shit while pocketing the rest of the money.

So yeah, that's a little scary. This is our forever home and I don't want it falling apart five years in.

I'd love to hear about your building process or plans. How did it go or how is it going?

Getting the Hell out of Here: Part Seven

 "'Fezzik, are there rocks ahead?' 'If there are, we'll all be dead!'"

Move into an Apartment for 1-1.5 years

Source

"But Jen! Why you want move to apartment? Why you no just stay in house?"

What a terrific question. Let me share the answer with you now.

Selling this house is probably not going to be the easiest thing we'll ever do. When we first started talking about building our dream house, the fear of finding ourselves with two mortgages hung over us, making the whole idea seem impossible. Not to mention that we need to save up for some kind of down payment for the new house. And as it is currently, we are sharing one of the two bedrooms we have with Bug. Bear has her own room, and that's not going to change. And if we found ourselves really stuck here, we could potentially make the family room a third bedroom. But we'd like to avoid all that.

So we decided to rent an apartment for a twelve to eighteen months. It's a great solution for several reasons:

• For about the same amount as our mortgage payment, we can rent a three-bedroom apartment with more square footage than our house. That means we may not need to even rent a storage facility for any of our stuff.
• In that cost, some utilities are included.
• The apartment we're looking at allows large dogs, so we don't have to make arrangements for our girl, or allow her to continue to destroy our yard. We'll just have to walk her more often and take her to the bark park for exercise.
• The apartment we're looking at has a month-by-month leasing option after the first year. That means that we can spend a year saving up for the dream house (with no toxic debt sucking up our money!) and then build the house with the option to move out of the apartment as soon as the house is ready. 

It's the perfect solution, really. The apartment is even several miles closer to the grocery store we like to use. We have time, flexibility, and adequate accommodations without the pressure and stress of selling a house strangling us, because we can just move whenever the house actually sells. No staying with relatives, no overlap...it's perfect.

Getting the Hell out of Here: Part Six

"Life is pain, Highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something."

Sell this Bitch

source

So selling the house is, bar none, the most intimidating piece of this process. For us, I mean. We've never sold a house, the market is not great, and our home value has dropped around 10% since we bought it. Not as bad as some people have it, granted, and we owe less than what's it's worth. But not by much, and we refinanced in January 2009.

Even if we actually got full value for our house (doubtful), by the time you factor in closing costs and fees and all that, we'll be lucky to walk away breaking even. It's scary times, peeps, which is why getting the house in tip-top selling condition is absolutely crucial. We have to squeeze every drop of value out of this place.

So what's the plan, Jen?

Well, I'm glad you asked. Are you sitting down? Are you ready to hear my terrible, ill-advised, likely-to-backfire-all-over-the-place idea?

We're going to try to skirt closing costs by giving a by-owner sale a shot.

*waits until laughter dies down*

I know. Believe me, I know. Every time I see a "For Sale, By Owner" sign in someone's yard, I roll my eyes and think, "Fools." There is a reason that real estate is a specialized profession. It takes knowledge of the market, the legalese, the process, current home trends, buyer habits, etc. There's more to it than staging with Sabrina Soto's pretty handmade wall treatments and slipcovers.

I know. And Imma do it, anyway.

Actually, it had never occurred to me to even consider attempting a sale by owner until I read about how Andrea Dekker and her husband sold their home on Craigslist in three days, during the economic whatsahoozit.

It's a risk. There are no guarantees, even with a realtor, and I have no delusions that because this strategy worked for a blogger I like, it will magically work for me, too. We're not stOOpid people, and I'm not going to just slap a For Sale sign in my yard and wait for the offers to roll in. If we don't see the kind of traffic/interest we need in a month, we'll re-evaluate before the house sits too long.

My only real conundrum is how we'll show the house. I firmly believe that homeowners should be scarce when potential buyers are touring their home, but I'm not about to let strangers wander around my home, either. No telling what weird shit people might be into, and I don't need someone dipping my toothbrush in the toilet just for the hell of it. We'd probably have to work something out with a few friends, exchanging favors for their time in showing the house for us.

The thing is that, like almost anything, it can be and has been done. And like anything that will succeed, the process requires careful thought, research, and painstaking planning. I believe in us enough to feel like we have as good a chance as anyone, as long as we're properly prepared. And we will go ahead and research agents so that we have a name or two on hand if needs be. We don't intend to approach something this important without careful thought and preparation.

I know you're shaking your head and silently judging. It's fine. If the plan fails, you get to be right, so good for you. But if it works...well, I think it's worth a shot. Worst case scenario? We end up with an agent. :)

Getting the Hell out of Here: Part Five

"I'm starting him on the machine tonight."

Ready the House for Sale

It was the summer of 2006. We had a galley kitchen with subtly mis-matched counter tops, about three inches of counter space, and enough cabinets to store...nothing. We also had a dining room with no table in it because it was being used as an office/playroom-type thing. Spazzy had just turned three, and we decided that because moving was out of the question, we'd do better to remodel the main floor.

So we did. And we mostly finished it. Mostly.

That said, even though the big, open kitchen with all the glorious storage and prep space is fully-functional, it was never quite completely prettied up. See, Husband and I are neither one big on tackling anything that seems like "extra" or "unnecessary" or "boring". So we have unfinished trim work, missing quarter round, and unpainted doors all up in our biz-nass. There are lots and lots and lots of little projects that need to be done.

For example, we need to stomp the ceiling where we moved walls around and shit:

We need to cut, paint, and hang the trim around the coat closet (and paint all the other trim in the living room white):

We need to touch up paint, and buy/hang closet doors in the bedrooms because the old ones were those super cheap crappy ones that fall off the track every thirty seconds and so we just took them down and threw them away. There are walls to be painted and tile to repair and carpets to clean.

There are a LOT. OF. PROJECTS. And that's just inside the house (and an incomplete list, at that). We also have a backyard that needs some serious TLC after almost three years of wear and tear from our massive dog, and the front yard is in desperate need of some semblance of landscaping. The roof needs to be replaced. Really, the old-ass windows do, too, but we can only afford to do one or the other, and we decided that a new roof was more urgent. I think buyers will be less turned off by the thought of replacing windows than replacing a roof.

Now we do have plans for all of these things. We just need to get off our lazy asses and get to the execution phase. The good news is that Husband is very handy, and I am a killer Lovely Assistant. In addition to my skill at painting-while-drinking-wine, I am also very good at holding boards while they're being cut, handing people tools (or "thingamajiggies"), and corralling children into safe spaces while loud, dangerous work is being done.

We did actually manage to give our mailbox a makeover. It's not an expensive mailbox, and we probably could have just bought a new one, but we want it to match the "shutters" on the house. And since I'm planning to paint those navy blue, we just gave the whole mailbox set-up a nice facelift.

Before & After—Mailbox Edition

So yeah. Getting the house ready to stage for sale is a big part of the next year of our lives. Our goal is to tackle a project at a time as we have the cash for it (no charging anything!). I've been using the money we have set aside for this to buy Home Depot gift cards at Kroger when they have the 4X fuel points deal so that we sort of get some of the money back via our gas tank.

Has anyone else gone through this process? What was it like for you? Any tips/advice?

Top Five Reasons I Cannot Wait to Have More Bathrooms

 "Excuse me...pardon me, please, it's important...Fezzik, please?"

One of our absolutely non-negotiable requirements for the new house is that it have no fewer than 2.5 bathrooms, one of which will be en suite in the master. The house we're planning to build actually has five, which is probably excessive, but you know what? Even with more bathrooms than people, my kids will still find a way to need the bathroom I'm using at the exact moment I am using it. I guarantee it.

The only bathroom in the house. :/

I think most people probably agree that one bathroom isn't really enough in this day and age even for just three people, let alone four plus guests, but let me break it down for you. Here are the top five reasons I cannot wait to have more bathrooms, and most of them involve poop. So if you're not big on TMI, walk away now, because I'm not going to hold back.


1.) I am brushing my teeth and my daughter walks in, sits down, and poops. She poops, two feet from me, while I am BRUSHING MY TEETH. She does not see the problem with this, unless she's the one who needs the bathroom and someone else is doing number two. Then the smell is unacceptable.

2.) I am in the shower and my daughter walks in, sits down, and poops. In addition to the same issues mentioned above, this also means that my towels are tossed on the floor, usually on the side farthest from the shower.

3.) Husband, Spazz, and I all seem to be on the same, um, schedule. This is a major problem, especially if we've had Gold Star for dinner. And Husband is sneaky. He'll saunter up to me with a smiling baby, pass said baby to me with an "Aw, do you want to see Mommy?", and then dart for the bathroom.

4.) On a less...personal...note—three people, one sink. Toothpaste in the sink is disgusting, but there's something even worse about someone else's toothpaste in the sink. Husband cleans up his toothpaste, but he also trims his beard over the sink with his electric trimmer, and he's not so great about cleaning up that part. My worst crime is leaving my makeup bag on the counter. Husband and Spazz are just gross. The master bath in the new house has separate-but-equal sinks and counter spaces. Both kids will have their own sinks and counter spaces. It's going to be glorious, because obviously everyone will take full responsibility for their own space and their own mess and I will never have to clean up after any of them again.

Right?


Right?

5.) Shower product overload! Okay, I admit that this one is mostly my fault. I have my shampoo, conditioner, body wash, exfoliating scrub, and shaving cream, not to mention little bottles of free samples I've gotten all crammed in on one or two or all of the shelves. Husband has body wash and a shampoo/conditioner combo. Spazz has shampoo, conditioner, and body wash. 'dactyl still bathes in the sink. So yeah, this one is on me, but it takes a lot to look this good every day:

So yeah, I'm looking forward to having a nice garden tub and separate shower in our master bath. With a lock on the door. And maybe a deadbolt. And soundproofing. And an escape hatch.

Getting the Hell out of Here: Part Four

"...never get involved in a land war in Asia!" 

Find Land on Which to Build

Source

After Husband and I decided that subdivision living was out and wide open spaces were in, the search for land was on. At first, I was just searching to get an idea of what the kind of land we were interested in was going to cost us. We knew we wanted 5-10 acres, ideally already cleared for building and accessible to utilities, in either Boone or Kenton County.

Yeah...

So one night when my brother-in-law was over, we were all chatting about our plans, and BIL mentioned that he, too, wanted to build his own home. He wants to open a garage and work for himself repairing cars (he's awesome at that shizz) and live in a nice apartment above his business. Well, in his beer-induced state of mind, he suggested we go in together and buy a chunk of land to share.

Don't get me wrong—I loved the idea. But I also know that some ideas sound awesome when you're drinking and then cease to sound so awesome when your brain comes back to you. So while we all agreed that that would be fabulous, I planned to drop it and let BIL off the hook easy if he changed his mind by the light of day.

Only he didn't, and I'm really glad. BIL is one of our very best friends, and the father of our nephew. We loved the idea of having our kids' cousin living part-time right next door, and sharing a property line with someone we already know we like. And with a good 7-10 acres each, we still have enough space to not feel like we're together all the time.

Anyway, that's a lot of backstory for a simple plan. We've been looking for a piece of land that suits our needs (space, location, zoning, access, etc.) and have taken a look at a few spots. We've expanded our search area a bit, too. Once we find something, we're going to go ahead and buy it before we're ready to build. That gives us time to start doing any clearing that we can do ourselves or with help from friends and to offset some of the sudden expense that goes with building a house. A likely scenario is that we'll build our house first while BIL tries to sell his, and if he needs to, he'll live in our guest suite while his place is being built. We both have small houses with some undesirable features (well, lack of features, really)  to unload, and it won't be easy, but we're committed to helping each other out.

So yeah. We're actively looking for the right piece of land at the right price so that we can custom build the homes to suit our custom-built lives. :)

Getting the Hell out of Here: Part Three

 "Life is pain, Highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something"

Purge the Toxins

Like many (I'd even say most) families, ours has an abundance of stuff. We have clothes that don't work for us anymore but for some reason still get to occupy valuable closet space. We have things that we know we don't want anymore, but are sure we can get a decent chunk of money out of but are too lazy/overwhelmed to list on Ebay or Craigslist. We have boxes of "memories" full of stuff we have to strain to remember.

We have a lot of crap. It's not an uncommon problem.

What we also have is a very small house with little storage, and that's where the problem becomes a bigger problem. There really is no "out of sight, out of mind" in our house. And one of the first lessons of staging a home for sale is to unclutter to the maximum.

So, in the interest of furthering our dream to move on and start out in our new home on a clean slate, here's what we've (read: I've) been up to:

1.) Nothing new comes in.

The butter dish. *What* a splurge.

Okay, so that's not totally accurate. Our kids have to have new clothes on occasion, and I did buy a butter dish on Amazon the other day (with a gift card!) because the stick of butter I use for my toast was just sitting out on the counter and it looked kind of foul. And the butter dish is the one that goes with the dishes I want, anyway, so I don't feel too bad about it.

But yeah, the basic idea is that we are purging, not restocking. Husband and I don't need many new clothes, and we'll buy what we need and only what we need when we do. We have everything we need to comfortably survive another year in our home.

The exception to this rule, aside from genuine needs, is upgrading things that will be necessary for staging. For example, Husband and I have never owned a proper bedding set. We have our nice sheets, and we have a few random comforters that we rotate out when Babydactyl pees on one, but our bedroom decor is very disjointed and unfocused. So I am saving up to purchase a nice, matching bedroom set and curtains for us, but it will go with us to the new house, and at least one of the random comforters will be donated or yardsaled when we get it.

And how am I funding that purchase, you (didn't) ask?

I'm glad you asked.

2.) Sell the stuff that has decent value.

Spazz's old play kitchen

A little at a time, I've been purging toys and clothing on Ebay and Craigslist. I'm not trying to do it all at once because that would be too overwhelming, and I have a year to do it all, so I'm taking my time and not letting it kick my ass. I've sold all of my designer jeans because I'm about three pants sizes smaller than I was when I got them, and because they were kept in excellent condition and I was able to sell them for a nice sum. Same with my maternity clothes. That money has gone into the "new bedroom set" fund.

We've also sold a few of Spazzy's old toys. I sold the play kitchen she'd had for over seven years on Craigslist for $35 and gave her the money. She saved up and bought herself a Kindle, so now we're purging her books. It's all about streamlining and simplifying.

3.) Sell the stuff that has any value.

Not everything is worth enough money to make the hassle of Craigslist or (even worse) Ebay worth it, but it still has enough value that I hate to give it to Goodwill. Yeah, I'm selfish like that. So the maternity clothes that didn't sell, as well as some of the baby stuff that 'dactyl has outgrown, is going to Once Upon a Child as soon as I have time to get out there. Right now, it's taking up space in my bedroom. But I know that its days are numbered, so I don't let that stress me out.

We're also going to have a yardsale sometime in the next few months. Basically, anything that OUaC or Half Price Books didn't want will go in the yardsale, along with a ton of other stuff we no longer have a use for. That money will likely go toward further home improvements/preparing the house for sale.

4.) Donate the rest.

Whatever doesn't sell at the yardsale goes to Goodwill. Once it leaves my house, it's no longer welcome back in. End of story.


So that's my plan. It's tedious, but when you break it down into manageable parts and give yourself a decent amount of time, it's far less overwhelming. I feel like I'm taking steps to make our dreams come true every time I sell a sweater or drop off a load of books somewhere. I think that's what custom building a life is—tiny steps toward a beautiful end product.

Wide Open Spaces

"Have fun storming the castle!"

thehousedesigners.com

When Husband and I began thinking seriously about the kind of home we wanted to build, we found that we really saw eye-to-eye on most things with very few exceptions. We knew we wanted several acres, a two-or-more-car garage, a workshop area for Husband, an office for me because
I work from home, no fewer than 2.5 bathrooms, a dedicated guestroom, etc., etc.

Personally, I wanted to find the smallest possible option that included all of our necessities, but despite the increased upkeep and utility costs, Husband really loves larger homes, so we found a plan we both love that's larger than I would like, but gives me literally everything else that I want. You can see it HERE.

I'm not going to go into our building plan here—I'll save that for another post—but you get the gist of what we're going for in a home. It's a lot of house, but it is our forever house (or should be...), and there's plenty of space should we need to move a parent or two in with us someday.

For Husband and I, though, the dream part of the Dream Home goes beyond the house. We want at least 10-15 acres (which we'll be sharing with our brother-in-law/bestie) in a rural area, though Husband doesn't want to have to drive more than 45 minutes, MAX, to work. 

We just want space. When we first started looking at house plans, we looked at an absolutely beautiful Ryan home that included everything I'd ever wanted in a house...in a subdivision. Subdivisions are not the devil or anything (we already established that the devil is credit card debt), but when we left the model home tour, Husband pensively remarked that he absolutely, unequivocally did not want to live in a subdivision anymore. I was surprised, but although I'd never even entertained the idea of going rural, I liked what I was hearing once I heard it.

The idea of stepping outside onto our own property and not being able to hit a neighbor with a garden hose (which I'd totally do to some of our neighbors, given the chance) is very appealing. A big yard with plenty of space for our dog and kids to run and play, and room for an (eventual) pool sounds wonderful. I want to sit on my deck in the early light, watching deer graze fifty yards from my back door, well within paintball range.* No more neighbor kids screaming in the street in front of our house or knocking on our door, trying to sell us the same crap my daughter is selling for school. No more cars zipping right past my front door, driving way too fast in a cul-de-sac. No more solicitors trying to sell me windows or lawncare or their versions of God. I want a big, fat "Beware of Dog" sign, right next to the "No Trespassing" sign at the mouth of my (long) driveway.

I don't want, like, a farm or anything. I will not be rising at five a.m to milk anything, and I'd rather support local farmers by buying their eggs than gather my own. Well, my own chickens' eggs. My own eggs are not really very useful in a quiche. I know—I've tried. What a mess that was. But I digress.

The more I thought about it, the more I realized that, although I would never have thought of it on my own, I, too, want to get away from subdivision living. For good. I honestly think that this was one of Husband's finest, most insightful moments in our marriage, and I'm so grateful that he didn't just let me make the call on this one like he typically does.

You probably think I'm anti-social, based on my clear disdain for...people. Maybe. I don't hate people. I just don't want to deal with their daily lives while I'm trying to live mine. I want to live peacefully, simply, and as much on our terms as possible.

What makes a Dream Home for you? I love hearing other peoples' thoughts. When I ask for them, anyway.


*I'm kidding. I would never shoot an animal with anything. Sober.

Getting the Hell out of Here: Part Two

 "There's not a lot of money in revenge."

Get out of Debt

Before we can even think about trying to sell this house, and especially breaking ground on a new one, Husband and I feel strongly that being mostly debt-free is a must. Now we've been working on this for a few years anyway, but once we decided that we were ready to buckle down and get out of here, it became Priority One.

While I'm not going to give out specific numbers, 'cause that's none of your damned business, here is a basic breakdown of what we owe to various people*:

Mortgage            65% 
Student Loans     20%
Car                      9%
Credit                  4%
Medical               2%  (it's all 'dactyl's fault)

*percentages are approximate, but really quite close

The mortgage doesn't count, because once we sell the house, that will be gone (god, I hope...), so that's not where we're focusing our efforts.

The student loans carry the lowest interest rate of the remaining four debt areas, and are the least damaging to our credit as long as they are paid on time each month, which, of course, they are. We were lucky that I picked up a well-paying, long-term freelance job right before the first payment came due, and that income more than covers the loan payments. So we never really felt the impact in our budget. Let's hope the client continues to like me.

The car was a necessary evil. Husband and I dutifully drove our embarrassingly decrepit Chevy Luminas, loan-free, until mine finally begged for the sweet release of death, at which time we sold it for a reasonable price to my sister-in-law's friend who desperately needed transportation. With a new baby on the way last summer, we simply had to replace one of the vehicles, especially since the air conditioner in my Lumina didn't work. So we bought the Jeep for a good price, and while we don't regret it at all, it is an additional expense each month.

Then there's the credit card. Credit card debt is evil. It is the devil and we learned that the hard way. No, we were never on the brink of financial ruin or anything, but we did get enough over our heads to feel uncomfortable. This is the debt that we are focusing on with the most fervor. We're actually transferring it this week to our Discover card because they got all sad and missed us and offered us 12 months interest-free on balance transfers.

Now, I am not a proponent of credit card jumping, because it can sneak up and bite you in the ass very quickly and with little warning. However, we will actually have the total amount paid off with relative ease in under 12 months, so dropping the interest makes sense in our case. We'll never see the interest. *knock on wood*

So once the credit card debt is paid off next February, we'll able to refocus that money toward the car payment, further decreasing our icky debt.

That's the plan, anyway. Eliminating toxic debt is an important step in our road to Getting the Hell out of Here. Let's hope it all works out that way!

Getting the Hell out of Here: Part One

 "Let me 'splain...No, there is too much. Let me sum up. Buttercup is marry' Humperdinck in a little less than half an hour. So all we have to do is get in, break up the wedding, steal the princess, make our escape... after I kill Count Rugen."

As promised in my post about our plan to get out of our starter home and into our dream house, here is a more detailed examination of our super-awesome plan.

Admitting we have a problem

Frankly, this part wasn't hard. Our infant son, Babydactyl, doesn't even have a bedroom of his own. No big deal for now because we're breastfeedin', co-sleepin' hippies, but this is only going to be sustainable for so long. He makes up for his intrusion into our bedroom by not taking up any bathroom time, which is good, because there are three of us sharing one. Our dog, Ella, got way bigger than we expected her to, and truth be told, we probably shouldn't have gotten her in the first place, but sometimes love trumps logic and she is ours and we love her so there. And we do have a nice, fenced-in backyard for her. 

Anyway—I digress. I do that when I sense I've just said something for which I may be harshly judged. It's a problem.

So several weeks ago, or like, a month, or something, I cornered Husband and informed him that I think we should buckle down, hardcore, and formulate a plan that will help us get out of our little house and on with our lives by next spring. We talked about all the things that need to be done—paying off the remaining credit card debt, finishing up projects and necessary repairs, uncluttering, staging, etc. Our house is cute, but it's not going to be an easy sell in a buyer's market. 

So that's step one, in a nutshell. Committing to the plan was a major milestone, but it was the right one, and now we're on our way.

Our Super-Awesome Plan to Get the Hell out of Here

"I've got my country's 500th anniversary to plan, my wedding to arrange, my wife to murder, and Guilder to frame for it. I'm swamped."

Husband and I bought our two-bedroom, one-bathroom tri-level in April 2003, just three-and-a-half weeks before our daughter, Spazz, was born. We must have looked at thirty houses before finally settling on this one. It was (is) small, but it was (is) less than two miles from Husband's job, and it was clean and ready for occupancy. On our budget, that was enough. Besides, we only planned to live here for about three years, and then we were going to upgrade and never look back.

Yeah...

Needless to say, almost nine years, two kids, a ninety-pound dog, and one major kitchen renovation later, we're over capacity and ready to go. We kept putting it off for a variety of reasons, but Husband and I sat down one night last month and had a lovely Come To Jesus talk about the house and our debt, and we're finally committing our resources to making this change happen.

So here's our plan. I'll go into more detail on each of these steps in separate posts over the next few weeks. Be prepared to have your mind blown.

1.) Admit we have a problem. 

And we do. It's called "too damned many people in this house".

2.) Pay off debt.

The only debt that really makes us cringe is the credit card. It's not a major balance, though, and we'll have it completely eliminated in a year or less.

3.) Purge the toxins.

Better known as "all the crap we have and don't want in our new house so it's better to get rid of it now rather than messing with continuing to store it, packing it, and moving it."

4.) Find land on which to build.

This is sort of going on simultaneously with steps 2 and 3.

5.) Ready the house for sale.

This means finally finishing up all the little projects and stuff that needs to be done.

6.) Sell this bitch.

You heard me.

7.) Move into an apartment (for 1-1.5 years).

"But Jen, why in the world would you move into an apartment?" I'll explain later, but we have our reasons. 

8.) Build the dream house.

Blissful agony. :)

Welcome to My Custom-Built Life

"When a job went wrong, you went back to the beginning. And this is where we got the job. So it's the beginning..."

First posts are always so awkward. I mean, where do I start, you know? Do I go with the whole, "I started this blog because [insert drivel about expertise and encouragement from friends/family here]," angle? It feels a little trite. I could try to be funny, and frankly, I'm hilarious, so in theory this is a great idea. But since this is a first post, I haven't really found my voice here yet, and you haven't gotten a chance to know me, so any real attempt is likely to be cringe-inducing and possibly even a little painful.

So no.

I really want to create an established About Me page, so talking about my life and general bad-assery feels potentially redundant. But I guess that's where I'm headed, because if you're still with me at this point then you deserve something here. So here's a basic introduction to me and the life my family and I are carefully, thoughtfully custom building.

I'm Jen, a stunning(ly audacious) 31 30 24-year-old model (citizen) from Northern Kentucky, which is not the same as Cincinnati AT ALL, so don't call me Jen from Cincy. 'Cause I'm not. My doting husband, Husband, and I are raising our two kiddos (a girl and boy, who shall be given fun but identity-concealing nicknames at some point), ages 8 years and 6.5 months, respectively, in a two-bedroom, one-bathroom tri-level that we planned to move out of six years ago. I also work from home as a professional freelance writer, and clearly I love a run-on sentence.

So now that we have (male child), it's become even more strikingly apparent that we really, really have to move. We're making big plans and paying off debt so that by this time next year, we'll be putting our tiny-but-adorable house on the market and moving on to the next phase of our lives, which includes building our custom dream home on 10-15 acres.

So yeah. This is my way of chronicling that process and all the beautiful, messy stuff in between. I hope someone comes along and enjoys this inevitably hot mess. I can't promise you much, but I will promise you honesty, semi-full disclosure, and frequent profanity. Enjoy.