September No-Spend Challenge: How'd We Do?

If you recall, we decided to make September a no-spend month. Between buying a new (to us) truck (and four new tires for said truck) and working our butts off to pay off my student loans and our Jeep payment, we felt like our budget needed a reset.

Here's where we screwed up spent unplanned money. It is detailed. It is boring. You can feel free to bail right now. I won't respect you less, and in fact, I might respect you more. 

September No-Spend Month Unplanned Spending:

4th: $4 at Subway. We had enough points on our cards to get the rest free, but we still had to pay for Bear's sandwich.

9th: $64 on Girl Scouts stuff. I had already planned on $20 for Bear's yearly registration fee and monthly dues, so that is not part of this total. But I ended up volunteering to be the assistant troop leader, which came with a registration fee, and then Bear and I went to the Girl Scout store and got her new uniform vest and accoutrements, so that was another $49 I simply hadn't thought about. But totally worth it, as we love Scouts and are excited about the new year. I regret nothing.

10th: $175 vet bill. Our doggie had a urinary tract infection and needed more heartworm medicine, too. Worth every penny to keep her healthy. We were planning to take her in for a regular check-up appointment next month, anyway, so that's just something we don't have to do in a few weeks. Again, I regret nothing.

11th: $18.44. Husband went out to lunch with co-workers and I gave him the stink-eye for it. The STINK-EYE, PEOPLE.  I even made it official. I said, "I have to give you the stink-eye for this. You know that, right?" He took it like a man.

And no, he does not normally spend $18 on the rare occasion that he goes out to eat for lunch. Someone bought him lunch a few weeks ago and he picked up their bill this time.


Anyway. This was not going well.


On September 14th, Husband got called in to work and was rammed by a deer on the way. In his brand-new (to us) truck. He was/is totally fine. It's a big truck and he wears his seat belt. But... $500 deductible.

At this point I began to give up on no-spend month. I managed not to cry, and I reminded myself that avoiding unnecessary spending had put us in a position to absorb the unexpected, so in that way we were quite successful. But it was very hard to watch all that money going out of our checking instead of into our savings. Very hard, indeed.


15th: We ate a late breakfast and timed out our lunch poorly and ended up stopping at a Penn Station up near the Cincinnati Nature Center, all full of bubbling hanger and frustration. $31.91. Because heaven forbid anyone but me just get a damned WATER. NOOOOO. Mt. Dews and lemonades for his and her highness!


I am resorting to blaming. It's not a good look.


18th: $17.51 at Wendy's for dinner. You can just hush. Just hush it up right now. I hate cooking a meal after a long day of...grocery shopping. Also, I got water at Penn Station, so it probably all balances out. Ahem.

source

19th: $8 for my background check for Girl Scouts. Apparently they prefer that their volunteers not be dangerous criminals, and I support that. You'll be pleased to know I passed. Shut up! I did!

22nd: $4.60 at the Girl Scout store for another book. Not a mandatory book, but it's a bit of a long story, and this post is already hella boring/depressing.


Can my family make it eight friggin' days without spending anything extra? Can we just make it through eight more days?


The answer is, "Probably not." But I wouldn't know because I stopped paying attention in the last stretch. I know I didn't buy anything, but if Husband got lunch or something, I don't remember.

In conclusion, I'm glad we tried again. And this month of all months proved to be a good one for consciously attempting not to spend unnecessarily, because a multitude of unexpected but mandatory expenses cropped up and the money for those was there. We didn't have to go into debt because of an emergency, and we feel good about that. And actually, the $500 won't go out until this week (October!) because the repair place couldn't get Husband's truck in until today. So that's technically October spending.

So SUCK IT, DEER.

And that is how I choose to end this post. On a classy note, as always.

'Mur'ca Chili

I love chili. I will make it any time of year, regardless of how hot it is outside, because I keep my house cool and comfortable. It is never "too hot" for chili.

I've been using the My Fitness Pal app to track my caloric intake and exercise (ha!), so when I made a pot of chili last week, I carefully noted every calorie that went into it. Not because I'm all, "I MUST WATCH EVERY CALORIE!!!", but because if I'm going to track my calories, I must watch every calorie. Make sense? Good.

Anyway. I totaled up the calories in this recipe and it came out to...1776. I shit you not. My chili is a fucking patriot. So here I present to you: 'Mur'ca Chili.


'Mur'ca Chili

8 servings

1 roll 92%-lean Laura’s Lean Beef

1 clove garlic, minced

¼ cup diced onions (white, red, or yellow. I had yellow on hand)

1 24-oz. jar Local Folks diced tomatoes

2 15-oz. cans Muir Glen tomato sauce

2 15-oz. cans Kroger Simple Truth tri-bean blend

1 packet Brooks Chili Seasoning

2/3 cup water (adjust for your own wateriness preferences)

Brown beef with onions and garlic in skillet over low-medium heat. Drain off grease and set aside.

Add all ingredients to a large pot and simmer over low-medium heat until hot throughout.

Entire pot: 1776 (patriotic!)*

Per one-cup serving: 222 calories**

I ate it all before I remembered to take a photo, so here is a comparable picture that I found on the internet.

It's a tasty chili. I was pleased with it. My favorite chili is still my Gramps', but this was flavorful and low-cal, so it hit the spot. Mama's jeans are getting awfully tight these days, and I am too cheap to buy new ones, so it is more likely that I will simply live with a muffin-top until I drop a few pounds than purchase clothes that fit. It's best for everyone if I watch what I eat for a minute.

*Only if you use exactly that same stuff I used. I can't speak to the caloric content of other brands.

**That is before obligatory crackers and spaghetti noodles. Figure that shit out on your own.

It's high time to "no-spend" again!

If you recall, Husband and I have undertaken two no-spend challenges in the past fifteen months (June 2013 and October 2013). Both were fairly successful, with only a handful of "slip-ups" in each month. I've decided it's high time we do this again, and here's why now is the perfect time:

• We finally upgraded to smart phones and the plan is far more expensive than our old plan.
• We hosted a couple of parties this summer, which included food, yard additions, and gifts.
• We bought a truck almost entirely in cash, which hit our savings pretty hard and almost doubled our car insurance rate, even with multi-car and safe-driver discounts. 
• We want to pay off the tiny bit of the truck purchase that we financed (so as not to leave us with too little in savings) in six months.
• We need to reset our spending habits because we want to pay off all my student loans and what's left of our Jeep payments within four years. 

So in the interest of remaining credit card debt-free, we're slowing it down this month. I have all the books (yay, library!) and curriculum items I need for our first month of school, which begins tomorrow. We have our staycation planned for next month.  There are a couple of planned things we need to spend a little on this month, but nothing huge (Bear's Girl Scout camping trip; a Florence Freedom game). The clothes we have will be completely sufficient for a Northern Kentucky September.

So. No non-grocery or unplanned purchases for thirty days. Again. This will help us bulk our savings account back up a bit so we can get moving on that whole "5-10 acres" plan.

I may do some Christmas shopping this month, but I have money set aside for that, as I put some away specifically for Christmas every pay period. So that money is already accounted for and frankly, I need to get cracking. Not to mention that doing some Christmas shopping should appease the "buy spend buy!" voice a little.

My other distraction plans? Finally open the can of paint I bought a month ago and paint Bug's room; submit some writing to literary journals; learn mah youngens; go for a walk a few times per week.

Wanna play? It's actually easier than it sounds, and once you have one under your belt, you kind of look forward to the next one. Try it for a week. It's really quite manageable and definitely beneficial. And if you want, I will hold you accountable. I will be all, "Nooooooo! If you buy that Thing, you FAIL!!!!!" And no one likes to fail. I will be that defeatist voice in your head. It's just the kind of friend I am.

Even more of my favorite things

I've written a couple of times now about the things I love. I'm not quite a minimalist, but I am much closer to that end of the spectrum than the "hoarder" end, and the physical things that I genuinely love are fairly few.

Here are my first and second favorite things posts. And here are a few more:


My custom quilt

My mother-in-law is one of the most talented people I know. A few years ago she started making these fantastic quilts out of washcloths and fleece, and I was thrilled to receive one as a Christmas gift. The colors are exactly what I would have chosen for myself. And the fleece makes it so soft and warm that it's become my go-to blanket for throwing over my legs while I read or watch a movie on my laptop. I will love and use my quilt until it is in literal tatters.

"Nightlife" filter

My new phone

Husband and I took the plunge and got smartphones. We're still waiting for the sting of that first bill (*shudder*), but we're both really happy with our phones. I got the Nokia Lumia 1020 and I am so pleased with it. It takes great photos (and I need all the help I can get...), and it has great editing options right on the phone. I also downloaded the free Photoshop app, though I haven't played with it that much. I'm looking forward to really getting comfortable with all the different settings and options to optimize my generally lackluster photos.




My great-grandmother's China

My beloved, antique, family heirloom China

My Gramps (my mother's father) picked this pattern up for his mother in Japan in the fifties. He had it shipped to the States, which had to have been hella expensive at that time (and on a sailor's salary). She absolutely loved it. She gave it to my grandmother (Gramps' wife) who eventually passed it on to my mom...and now, I have it. I remember seeing it come out only at holidays, as the good China all-too-often does. I've watched in horror as pieces of it shattered. I remember the thrill I got when my mother told me it was eventually going to be mine.

As I've said before, I am not particularly sentimental when it comes to stuff. I attach emotions much more strongly to places than things. But there are a few exceptions, and my family's China is one of them. It's an impossible-to-find pattern (and yes, I have looked far and wide, and there is likely nothing you can suggest that I have not tried, including but not limited to contacting the manufacturer and scouring Ebay for hours upon hours) and I know that the likelihood of my ever being able to replace some of the pieces is pretty slim. While beautiful, it's not a pattern that 2014 Jen would choose in a showroom. Because of our space limitations, I have never been able to store and use it the way I want to. I have plans for bringing it out into the open in our dream house, but for now, it is packed carefully in a tote. It's the very definition of sentimental clutter.

All boxed up. *sigh*

But it is mine, and it was my mother's and her mother's and her mother-in-law's, and someday if she wants it, it will be my daughter's. So the minimalist bloggers can pry it out of my cold, dead hands, and I suggest they come armed because my angry corpse will reanimate and beat them with a beautifully crafted gravy boat.

Little projects I've been working on

Since we concluded our official "school year" in May, I've turned my attention pretty heavily toward getting the house in order for us. By "order", I do not mean clean. No, no, no. Hurricane Bear and Typhoon Bug live here, after all. My philosophy on cleaning with young kids in the house is simple: If it can draw bugs, or make someone sick or naked, it should be dealt with. So I focus on those things and get to the other stuff when I damn well feel like it have time.

I digress. All the time. Back on topic: projects! I have done some sewing and painting and more painting and I have another sewing project in line, plus some fun ideas for making the backyard more appealing to the kids.

First, I mentioned before that we bought a free-standing pantry to help with some of the kitchen overflow. It was this boring, cheap, particle board number from Lowe's or Home Depot or something.

This was legitimately the least-blurry shot I got with my increasingly worthless point-and-shoot.

I decided to spruce it up:

Chalkboard paint! I think it's a requirement in all homeschooling homes.

I got the idea to do this with the measuring cups on Pinterest. I LOVE it.

My Bug, doing the drawing of the things with the chalks.

I'm very happy with how it turned out. I put the bulletin board up because I wanted a place to display the photos our loved ones often give us of their adorable children, but I do not really do albums or photo shelves and always find that those pictures end up in paper piles on the counter. The bulletin board gives me a no-thinking-required place to stick them and enjoy them. Once I find more of them in the paper piles, that is...

I also painted the entire main floor of the house in Behr's Natural Gray. I love it because it is an actual GRAY. It's not greige. It's not bluish or greenish. It is, as the name implies, a very natural gray. I love how it looks. It's calming and neutral and I very well may use it again when we move in a few years. 

Okay. Sewing. I made some toss pillows, WITH ZIPPERS, for the living room. This was my first experience with zippers since I took a costuming class in college and had an instructor right there to help me the entire time. I did it all by myself. With a tutorial. Ahem. But I did it and they look AWESOME.

I made those! By myself! Yay, projects with straight lines!

I also painted my dining chairs black because 1.) they looked like crap, all dinged up; 2.) black looks better with our gray, green, and blue color scheme. I am going to make cushions for them, probably out of the green fabric I used for the toss pillow on the right, because they are very uncomfortable chairs. I'll post a picture of the dining table and stuff when that's all done. Try to contain your excitement.

And then there's the back yard. It's a great space, all fenced-in, and with a nice awning over the back porch. But we needed to add some things to make it more fun for the kiddos, so here's what I've got so far:

Normally I'd spread things out a bit more, but Husband has to mow again soon, and it's easier to stick everything on the patio if it's closer to the house.

We've had this set for years, but Husband scrubbed it down and fixed all the terrifyingly rickety chairs so we can eke a few more years out of it. I'm hoping to find a good deal on an outdoor rug, too.

The thing I wanted in my back yard more than anything else in the world when I was a kid. But this one is, um, for my children. I have absolutely NOT done a handstand or a full turn on it. Ahem.

He gets a little nervous.

I saw something like this on Pinterest, obviously, and had to make one. I do have a pre-schooler, after all.

And another one of Bug, because Bear was reading and in her pajamas and didn't want to participate.

I also want to get them a mini trampoline. We used to have one, but Ella ate it because she is Ella.



Oh! And apropos of nothing, I won a poetry contest.

               It's really me. Not a different Jennifer. The poem itself will be at one of our county library branches for people to read. Pretty cool!

Our county fair has a creative writing contest with various categories each year. I decided to enter a poem and I won! Now I make sure to constantly refer to myself as "an award-winning poet". "Well, as an award-winning poet, I think we should have Subway for dinner." I think this is charming and delightful and not at all obnoxious. Ahem. I also had my first poem published in a literary magazine a few months ago, and I have a few more out right now. It's been nice to do some actual writing for myself again.

There is always a ton going on in our lives, which I love. Selling the house finally freed us up to move on. Next goal: buy Husband a truck. In cash.

Husband's big week

Courtesy of Jennifer Bramley

Husband had a rather significant few days the week before last. On Tuesday night he received an award from his college (Outstanding Apprentice) and the on Thursday night, he graduated!

We're all so incredibly proud of him. For a long time he didn't really see college as something that was in the cards for him. He'd never enjoyed school, and he already had a good, steady job that supported his family. Pursuing a degree was more of a "that'd be cool but it's not going to happen" than a "someday I will do that" in his mind.

In fall of 2008, he applied for an apprenticeship within his company. It was competitive, but ultimately he was their top pick and he got to choose which path he wanted to take. He decided to take the electrical apprenticeship because, and I shit you not, he said it "won't be as dirty as the mechanical position."

He was wrong, but that's another blog post, and it involves laundry.

The catch to the opportunity was a nearly $4-per-hour pay cut off the bat. Yeah, you read that right. He would receive an evaluation and raise every six months for four years until he was making quite a bit more than his current rate of pay, but at the time I was in school, we had debt, and we were pretty much paycheck-to-paycheck already.

So we talked it out and decided that a few years of discomfort and belt-tightening and, frankly, FEAR, would be worth it in the end for him to receive his college education, paid in full. We refinanced our house, I continued working at my part time job and going to school, and we managed to make our schedules work while Bear was in school.

It was really, really hard. There were several semesters where our credit cards and my student loans kept us afloat. We never missed payments or got into trouble or anything, but money was incredibly tight. And we were dumb, so we still did dumb things sometimes with our money. Things I'd never do now, even though we have more. But I digress.

After a few years in the program, Husband's wages surpassed his pre-apprenticeship rate and things started coming together. We decided to have our Bug, I finished school, we double timed on the debt payoff efforts, and we decided to start working toward our goal of building our dream house.

And that's where this blog began, basically.

So now, after five years in school (because he could only go part time and his school hours counted toward his forty-hour work week), Husband is the proud recipient of his associate of applied science degree as an industrial electrician.

Bear and Bug got to attend both of their parents' college graduations, although Bug was still working on the whole "developing" thing when I walked. Our family could not be prouder of our guy, and we're so happy to put another nail in this custom-built life we're building.

Courtesy of Jennifer Bramley

Little mind games that work for me

I believe in mind over matter. Perhaps not in every situation, of course, as it seems no matter how hard I focus, my coffee simply will not brew, pour, and transport itself to me.

I mean, I'll keep at it, but I think that might be one of the exceptions to the rule.

However. Ahem. Other segues.

I believe that I can generally conjure willpower, courage, trust, motivation...whatever virtue I need, by deciding to. Not always and in every situation, but in many of them, anyway. I do this by playing mind games with myself, because I am a little bit crazy. And also awesome. I use my mind games and tricks to manipulate myself into doing the things I want myself to do but myself does not want to do because myself can be an asshole sometimes, and also lazy.

Here are a few of the ways I make myself do the stuff:


I become indignant

I have always liked to buy things, and am horribly susceptible to advertising. If I see a Wendy's commercial, I want that juicy cheeseburger. I am an advertiser's dream.

Or was.

Over the past few years, I've trained myself to believe that all advertising is evil and conspiratorial (and am I really that far off?). By doing so, I have also learned to rejoice in my ability to "stick it to the man" every time I say no to an impulse purchase. It feels like a victory over The Machine and the naturally rebellious part of my brain absolutely revels in that feeling. I will literally say out loud, "Suck it, Wrigley's! Your bright packaging and promises of fresh breath and long-lasting flavor don't mean SHIT!"

People stare. 


I tell myself I don't have to do it

When I began the excruciating process of packing for our move, and then unpacking after our move (with Husband working MASS hours and going to school), I knew I'd need a plan to keep the overwhelm at bay. So every day I added "pack one box" or "unpack one box" to my to-do list. And it was totally, totally fine if I only packed or unpacked that one box. If I did that, I got to cross it off my list and be finished.

But come on, y'all. You know how it goes when you get on a roll.

So I'd pack, or unpack, one box. And the motivation would kick in and I'd do two to four every single day, without fail. I'm not saying I never got overwhelmed or felt like it would never end. But it got done, and in a timely manner, and there was no mad dash or panic. I just know myself well enough to know that when that motivation bug hits, I will jump on it. All I have to do is swallow the bug.

Best. Metaphor. EVER. Moving on...


I tell myself to "go for it" when I am already in "mid-go"

I have discovered in my tumbling endeavors that sometimes it is very scary to jump backward toward one's head. Or forward toward one's head. Because sometimes said head contacts the floor/mat/trampoline and it is most unpleasant. This leads to two big problems for someone who actually rather LIKES to do things that require head-diving: blocks and balking.

Blocks are a mental thing which prevent us from going for things and can happen for various reasons. Balking is going for the thing and bailing out mid-thing. You with me? Anyway, I have experience with both.

Blocks are harder to get over, but I have discovered that I can prevent myself from balking nine times out of ten by mentally saying, "I'm doing it!" or, "I'm going for it!" halfway through the skill/thing. For example, if I do a roundoff-back-handspring, I mentally say, "I'm going for it!" as I round-off. It's totally mental. I can do the thing easily, physically. But I need my little routine, and for me it has to be a routine I can repeat anywhere. If it relied on location or something like that, I'd never be able to put the skill/thing in any different conditions.


I ask my stuff what it's done for me lately

When it comes to uncluttering and getting rid of things, I can be pretty ruthless. But everyone gets stuck sometimes, you know? A lot of organization blogs and articles tell us to ask ourselves when we last used an item, or if we truly love/use/need it.

I ask it to defend itself.

It's the same thing, only I put the onus on the stuff. Of course, the stuff doesn't talk (I'm not THAT crazy yet), but in my head I imagine how my questionable possessions might argue for their place in my home. If their argument sucks (and it often does), out they go. But if it's something like my Crock Pot, which is all, "Um, bitch, I made you some delicious pork chops with gravy two days ago while you ran errands and played Words with Friends, and then I got clean in the dishwasher. #handwashingsucks #SUCKIT," then obviously it gets to stay.

But the paraffin spa that I HAD to have ten years ago, which Husband bought for me and I used exactly ONCE, sounds more like, "Well, you know, funny you should ask. Remember that time I covered your hands in hot wax and made them ever-so-slightly softer, and it was totally fine and not inconvenient that you couldn't use your hands for half an hour, and then it was no big deal to wait over an hour for me to cool down and you really enjoyed all the wax-scraping and clean-up? Good times! I am totally worth the 18" X 12" X 12" space I take up in the bottom of the linen closet!"

Things did not end well for the paraffin spa.


So okay, now you've seen a smidgen of my brand of crazy, but since I explained it to you it makes total sense, right? Feel free to borrow my mind games and adapt them to your own purposes. They are very effective and make me get things done and not be a big coward and/or hoarder. You're welcome.

Because she needs to hear it from me, more than anyone

I told my daughter the other day that I love my body. And it was not a lie, actually. I'm not saying my belly and I don't have our bad days together, or that I never shoot my thighs the stink-eye, or that I don't cringe when I see photos of myself, or that I have some weird, reverse-dysmorphia where I see rock-hard abs and defined biceps where my far more typical lady-softness is.

I'm saying that, in general, I love this body, I make no apologies for it, and my kids need to know that.

My daughter needs to know how cool I think it is that my thirty-three-year-old ass can do gymnastics. My son needs to know that my body is mine (and his is his, and everyone's is his or her own) and respect that. My daughter needs to know that fashion and "beauty" magazines are ridiculous and stupid (which is why I regularly show her things like THIS and we laugh together) and that mama does not compare herself to the photographs inside them. My son needs to know that a woman (or a man; who knows?) does not owe it to him to be skinny, or even just thin.

That blurry, purple and grey, flying thing is ME.

My kids need to know that mama is proud of this one body, the only one she will ever have, and that she values its awesomeness enough to respect it and try to make it last as long as possible.

So we were in the car and I can't even remember how the conversation came up, but I said, in so many words, "I really love my body." Because how many among us ever heard our mothers actually say those words?

And then I explained why I love it, and how important it is to me to give it respect and thanks for the awesome stuff it does for me. And I mentioned that it irritates me how the media uses computers to make changes to women's bodies in magazines or on tv, and how indignant I feel when I hear talk of how women are supposed to look because genetics aren't one-size-fits-all and that's just science, people. And she was really, really listening.

And I really, really hope it meant something to her, because I'm going to say it again, and again, and again.

One of these days, something will make her doubt the value of her own body. A model in a magazine, or an off-handed comment, or a tv show, or a super-fit friend or acquaintance, or a scale with all its stupid numbers. Something will put a chink in her body confidence armor.


And I want her to be armed and ready to shut that shit down.

It's Gone!

Less than a half a second letter, that stick connected with my chest.

As of Friday, Jen and Husband are no longer home owners. We closed on our house, passed on the keys, and left a little gift behind for the new owners. It feels weird, after eleven years, that I am no longer allowed to go into that house anytime I want. It's not mine. Someone else owns all the rights to it. I guess I could try, but I feel like the new owners might not be cool about it.

Some people are really touchy.

Back when I started this blog, my intention was to chronicle our home building and moving process, with lots of life-stuff and the things I find in my weird brain mixed in. I laid out our Super Awesome Plan and we got to work on it immediately. Putting it in list form was key. I work very well with lists.

I'm extremely proud to say that we have officially checked off numbers one (admit we have a problem), two (get out of debt), three (purge the toxins), five (ready the house for sale), and six (sell this bitch). We altered our plan and five became four and four became seven, probably, and it was all very exhausting.And technically we still have debt, as we have a car payment and my student loans, but all the credit card debt is paid off. And that was pretty much the main focus of that effort.

So that was a little more than two years ago. We made a plan and we saw it through. And it was literally the hardest thing I've ever done. Harder than maintaining an 'A' average in college while pregnant—twice. Harder than giving birth, also twice. There was a lot of crying, frustration, hopelessness, fear, doubt, etc. Lots. LOTS.

BUT...now that we've passed our first home on to a new family and settled comfortably into the house we're renting, it's time to shift our focus. We get to take a few years off from updating and repairing and worrying about the housing market and turn our thoughts to our future. And the biggest future-y thing on our minds right now is our financial plan.

Talking about personal finance can be a bit tacky, and I maintain my right not to go into great detail, but in the interest of thinking about the future, I do want to talk a bit about our goals.We have many of them.

First and foremost, after the stress of preparing and selling a home, we think we deserve a few months to do nothing big, and the timing is perfect for that with summer break on the horizon. We're going to turn our attention to making our rental house feel more like "home" to us. This will include:

• Painting the rooms on the main floor a really lovely gray(when we get to it)
• Painting Bug's room blue (we asked him what color he wanted, which was risky, but it worked out! I was sure he'd say, "Black!" or, "Red!")
• Finally painting our ugly, black lacquer bedroom furniture (when I feel like it)
• Making the back yard a fun place for the kids to play and for guests to come enjoy with us (I have some cool plans, but I haven't started on them yet, so I'll share them when I actually do something with them)
• Taking a week off for a "staycation" (whenever we WANT)

In addition to the house-y stuff, we are also looking forward to:

• Re-evaluating our budget and savings plan now that we have only one house to pay for
• Buying Husband a new car, in cash, and not acquiring any more debt
• Rebuilding our savings with the goal of putting down 20% on our new home

These are the things we intend to accomplish this summer. Well, not saving the 20% down payment in one summer, but starting on it. Slowly.

No big decisions aside from the car, no major purchases aside from the car, no added stress. After years of thinking of nothing except for moving on and putting all of our attention toward that goal, we feel like we deserve a few months to have fun and enjoy life.

Thanks for continuing along on this insane thing with me. I'm beginning to believe we might actually pull this off. You know—as long as I make us a list.

And here are a few more of our "last photos":

Bug and me in the kitchen. I had, um, something in my eye. Ahem.

Daddy and Bug in the kitchen.

I had to coerce her to hug me in Husband's and my old bedroom. Husband put in that overhead lighting.

Bear needed one, final climb in her favorite tree.

More Favorite Things

I dislike a lot of things. And people. And situations. But also, I like some stuff. Here is some more of that stuff.

source

Yogi Bedtime Tea

I love to add a little honey and lemon to this and drink it while I watch Downton Abbey on my laptop after Bug is asleep. It keeps me from snacking, which I am wont to do while I watch tv, and it just seems somehow apropos. And it's really delicious. I don't have a tea kettle or any fancy, loose-leaf steeping whatzamahoozits. These little bags do the trick. And maybe it's just a placebo things, but I really do feel like the tea helps me relax and fall asleep more easily.


My Kindle Fire

My beloved Kindle died last fall, so for my birthday in January, Husband bought me a Kindle Fire. I love it. I keep it in my purse most of the time and it's great to have while Bear is in Shakespeare group or her tumbling class. I use it for audio books, too, which is VERY handy when I'm at the dentist or while I'm sewing.

Speaking of sewing...


My sewing machine and new (to me) sewing table

I used my sewing machine a LOT last fall, making handmade Christmas gifts for about half the people on our list. When we moved I had nowhere to put it and it sat in a tote, lonely, while my stack of projects-in-waiting piled up. I recently went on Craigslist and found the perfect table to set up in the guestroom. I can leave my machine set up all the time, except when we have guests, at which time there is a spot for it inside the table.


Amazon Prime and Hulu

When we moved, Husband and I decided it was the perfect opportunity to cancel our DISH service for good and see how we liked getting by with streaming services. It's WAY less expensive, and while there are some conveniences we've had to forgo, it's working really well for us. We have an X-Box and a Wii, so we can stream our shows to both TV's. I usually watch on my laptop with my headphones in. And we can access our accounts on Husband's iPod and my Kindle. And the desktop. It's basically awesome.


Those are some of my current, favorite things. They all make my life simpler and more enjoyable in some way, which is really all I want these days.

Update That is Not Really an Update but Kind of....or Something

As you all (and by all, I mean both...) know, we're in the throes of house-selling hell at the moment. The good news is—and I am knocking on wood here, with every knock-ready body part I have, including my head, which is rather painful and is making me a little dizzy and I should probably just stick to using my knuckles from here on out—we are under contract.

We've been under contract for several weeks, but these things have a way of going south rather quickly for any one of about ninety-three different possible factors, so I have avoided writing about it here because Jinx is a nasty bastard.

Now that we've had our inspection and appraisal and have agreed on a satisfactory deal with our buyers, I feel like I can breathe a little. Not that something couldn't still happen, of course. A good eighty-five of those ninety-three potential Bad Things are still possible in the two weeks and five days before we are scheduled to close. But we ARE scheduled to close, and I need to celebrate that. As of April 23rd, if the Universe doesn't decide to nut-punch us, we should no longer be homeowners. And then we can move on with our financial goals because we will no longer be sinking large amounts of money into a house no one lives in.

Remember when our living room looked like the photo on the left before our yard sale? Good times.

Our buyers have been really great. None of the little hiccups we've encountered in this deal have been their fault in any way, and their inspection requests were completely reasonable and affordable. Imma leave them flowers and cookies in the kitchen when we close.

So that's it for now. I am going to go back to holding my breath for a few weeks. If you notice I've turned blue, just let it be.  I'll take another breath on April 23rd, when the ink begins to dry and the keys have been handed over.

Things that I am doing

It's on the market, for real! Someone please buy it!

I hate moving. I love having moved. I hate unpacking. I love having unpacked.

So with that in mind, unpacking has been the name of the game for the past three weeks. It took awhile, but we finally got the kitchen up and running, so we are eating real food at home instead of the disgusting-but-somehow-still-delicious fast food crap we'd been eating for weeks. Baked chicken tenders never tasted so good.

Settling in has been challenging, but we're getting there. The house is great, bigger and much better suited to our family's needs than our old house. The kitchen is smaller, but we've adapted by buying a free-standing pantry and microwave stand to free up some space. They fit perfectly in the dining room and we can use them in the garage when we build our house in a few years. We went with function over form, so they're not gorgeous show pieces or anything, but they suit our needs for now.

Husband is enamored of the wood burning stove in the basement. He's had a fire almost every night since we moved in. I am enamored of how much light comes in during the day. I can get up and open window shades and not have to turn on any lights until early evening.

The dining room and living room are still full of boxes, because some of our furniture was left at the old house for staging purposes. So we have no couches or dining table for the moment, which sucks, but hopefully we'll get an offer soon and can have our furniture back.

The kids are adjusting well. They love their rooms and Husband and I love ours.

I did a pretty big round of decluttering when we packed up to move, and I've been doing it again as we unpack. I took two boxes to Goodwill last week, we unloaded some things on Craigslist and Freecycle, and I'm nowhere near finished. Husband and I agreed that we both want to live in this larger house with less stuff. We are not afraid of empty shelves and drawers. In fact, we're hoping for them. I feel no need to fill every nook with more crap I have to keep track of and clean.

So that's where we are at the moment. I'm perpetually exhausted, especially since we started back with our lessons last week after a five-week (MUCH needed) break. But it's good. We're finding our rhythm again. The kids are developing a routine and so are Husband and I.

Once we get the boxes unpacked, I'll take some pictures of the new place and show you around. Sorry for the boringness here. I am fresh out if wit and humor at the moment. I'm pretty wiped, actually, but it's good. Good stuff.

Another open letter to Mother Nature.

Dear Mother Nature,

How you doin'?

You good? You seem tense. Pent up. Frustrated. Verklempt. Depressed.

Bitchy.

Yeah. Remember a year and a half ago when I was trying to have my yardsale but you kept boo-hooing all over everyone? And we kept having to rework things and I had so much stuff piled up in my living room that I was one cat carcass away from my own episode of Hoarders? But we talked it out and we got you some anti-depressants and things were good?

Let's revisit that. Because my house has been on the market for just over a week now and temperatures have barely risen above freezing in that time. We've Polar Vortexed. We've exceeded snowfall averages. We've kept all the potential buyers hiding in their cozy apartments instead of checking out my awesome house.

Stop being such a twat.

It's time to pull up your big-girl underoos, put on some mascara and a pair of heels, get a fresh haircut, and stop the tantrum. It's hard to feel sorry for you when all you ever do is complain. Pull it together, and keep that groundhog on notice. Keep the sun in front of him at all times or you will basically be an accessory to murder when I hunt him down.

I hate to be so blunt about this, but I have no time for shenanigans, balderdash, or other such nonsense. I need to get my house sold and move on with my life. Let's do lunch this spring, maybe up at Devou or along the river somewhere. But until then, you've go to buck up.

Yours in Girl Power,

Jen

We've moved!

As of January 1st, we are in our rental home and the house we own is being prepped for sale. The HGTV addiction I had during my pregnancy with Bug is coming in handy with all the painting and the staging and the whatnots, we have an awesome realtor, and the house officially goes "on the market" tomorrow!

I'd say more, but omgthereissomuchunpackingandcleaningandpainting
andstufftodoandiamexhaustedandihavenothinglefttogivesostoppressuringmeasshole!

I'll post pictures when I have some. In the meantime, send me some house-selling vibes and I'll update when something other than box-opening and wine-drinking is going on.

Movin' on up...

So. Moving Day is Wednesday. The house is very packed. The lease has been signed. We have a listing date for our house. It's all real, for super realsies.

That means we really did just celebrate our last Christmas here. I cooked the last big breakfast I'll ever make in my kitchen, baked the last pie, chose the last paint color. Things I've done dozens of times here are done now.

And it's fine. I am definitely feeling a little nostalgic, but I'm a nostalgic person. I have a very strong sense of place. For some people it's smells or sounds or particular sights. For me, memories have always tied most closely to places. So selling the home my children have known their whole lives is a little disconcerting, but it's also absolutely the right time and the right decision.

Anyway. There's a TON of stuff to do around here once we get all our crap out to prepare it for potential buyers, and I'm dreading the process but thrilled about having it done. Once we sell this house we can take a step back and just be for a few years. We can stop living in limbo, our stuff half-packed, our plans uncertain, in a neighborhood we hate and a house that's too small. A major source of stress will be no more.

We'll spend 18-24 months saving like crazy people so we can build our dream house in the boonies. We'll have a daily routine that is not dictated by home repairs and the stress of an uneasy housing market. I can get my toddler out of my bedroom and into his own. More than one person can poop at the same time.

We can just breathe. I really need a few years to just breathe. Probably not during the simultaneous pooping, obviously. That is not the right time to focus on breathing.

Why We are so Super Strict about Media

I actually wrote most of this post over a month ago, but this awesome article I read today inspired me to finally put it up. If you finish this post and still don't get my beef with tween-centered media, read the article for a far more eloquent and thorough examination.

She was a Minecraft Endergirl for Halloween—not iCarlybot or Hannah Monwaverlyplace or a Hey Jessie Labrat or whatever.

My daughter has a natural gift for acting. She can slip into a persona and sustain it so easily that it's shocking. She loves performing and trying on a character, just like her mama, except that she has more natural talent than I do. And this is a very cool trait. If she pursues acting with any real effort, I believe she'll find success and have a wonderful time.

The other edge of this sword, however, is that it tends to carry over into her daily interactions. Bear has always been a story teller. She doesn't maliciously or vindictively lie. I have never, ever known her to make up a story about someone to get them into trouble. She makes up stories about herself, inventing tales about long-lost pets, her dramatic birth in an airplane over Germany, a baseball team's worth of brothers and sisters who do not exist...and she SELLS IT.

So while I admire her natural talent and flair, I am not okay with the telling of tall tales for attention. I've tried to help her channel her creativity into her play and her writing, and it has definitely helped (as has being called out and embarrassed a few times by the people she was spinning faslehoods for).

The thing about Bear is that she is very, very susceptible to media influences. I think part of it is because of her natural gift for trying on different personae. But we have to be very careful about what she is exposed to, because if something looks like fun to her on tv or online, she will quickly adopt traits of the characters and run with them. We don't like her to watch shows about kids who are older than her and are dating and disrespecting everyone in their path. And that is pretty much every kid on every show on Disney and Nick. My ten year-old daughter sees these things and strives to emulate them. And she has friends who do that, too, which makes it even harder to combat.

Our longest struggle has been in trying to help her understand romantic relationships and their unrealistic portrayal on television. She think she's supposed to have a boyfriend, or at the very least, a crush, regardless of what she hears from me. Her friends all have crushes. The kids on tv build their entire lives around their crushes and boyfriends and girlfriends. So she began with the "dating" and "boyfriend" talk a long time ago.

My personal challenge in all of it has been in striking a balance between discouraging age-inappropriate talk while not invalidating her feelings. I don't think it's unusual for a young kid to have little crushes. Those feelings are real. But because of the influence of media, she believes they are far more significant than they should be at her age. This means that we have finally reached a point where I have had to just flat-out ban certain words and phrases from her vocabulary.

And keeping her away from the shows we disapprove of is next to impossible. While they've all been banned in our house, this is not the only place she spends time. Her grandparents have respected our request that she not watch that stuff at their house, but she hangs out with friends, too. And I cannot tell a mom or dad that their kids can't watch tv while my kid is there. There's also a lot of pressure from her friends to watch certain things. Not in a mean or bullying way; just in an enthusiastic, "why not?", we-have-to-talk-your-mom-into-letting-you kind of way. The latest battle over this was Teen Beach Movie. It's not that I'm worried about it being filled with sex and violence. It's just that my daughter cannot relate to a single thing in that movie, but she will try. And she is too young for those personae.

It's a very tricky path to walk, but fortunately being a "mean mom" comes pretty naturally to me, so I stick to my guns. Husband and I are in complete solidarity on this, which helps. He might even hate Disney Channel more than I do.

I'm not here to preach. No one should feel the need to defend their decision to let their kids watch whatever. It's none of my business. This is about my kid and her needs and I have no interest in parenting anyone else's kids. So take this for what it is—an explanation of my stance, not an attack on anyone else's.

So...new plan...

After an exhausting but very fun trip to Chicago to visit Husband's family for Thanksgiving, we are home and looking forward to getting back to our routine. However, that routine will be changing very soon because...

*drumroll please*



We're moving!

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When we decided that building our house next year was just going to be cutting it too close, we were left with two options: stay in place for yet anther 18-24 months in our two-bedroom, one-bathroom home with four people and a large dog, or find a rental and at least live in comfort until we're ready to get into that dream house.

My mental health is at stake here, people, and I mean that sincerely. I've been having a bit of a difficult time lately and I think it's at least in part due to the extremely cramped living conditions around here. There is a toddler living in my bedroom, and while I have no moral objections to this, I am personally OVER IT. I can't spend another month in this house without an end in sight, let alone several years. I'm losing my mind.

So we looked at a few houses and as luck would have it, a friend of mine from my old days slingin' biscuits-n'-gravy at the Bob Evans was looking to rent her house. We took a look, found it to be a perfect fit for our needs, and put a deposit down. We have stuff to do to make it all even more official this week, but the plan is to move in on January 1st.

At that point, we'll do everything we can to our awesome-but-tiny house, put it on the market, and hope for the best. We're hoping it will sell quickly enough that we won't have to dip into our savings much. Hope being the key word.

In the meantime, we are going to try to relax and enjoy our last Christmas in this, the only home our children have ever lived in. Knowing that we're moving in less than five weeks has me both excited and incredibly sad and I know I'm going to cry like a...crying thing. But I'm very much looking forward to having our own bathroom (multiple toilets, people!), a separate bedroom for Bug and all his stuff, and a backyard that's as great as the one we have now (a luxury we did not expect to find). We're also going to have a guest room for the first time ever, which will double as an office. So when Bear is playing Minecraft and Husband is playing Call of Duty, they will not have to compete with each other to be heard.

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Husband gets holiday pay the week after Christmas, so he's going to try to work as many hours as possible while I pack like a mad woman. That will make for a tough week, but it will be totally worth it. I've been saving every box that's come into the house in anticipation of this move for almost two years, and between diapers and Amazon, that's a LOT of boxes. Still probably not enough, but a good start.

I'm beginning to ramble. I'm just incredibly excited. I'll post some pictures of our moving process when it really begins, but feel free to leave me any tips or tricks for simplifying a move in the comments.

October No Spend Challenge: How'd We Do?

October 3rd. That is how long I made it into the month before purchasing something I was not supposed to. I totally forgot that I was not supposed to be spending until after the fact. Bear had her first cavities filled that morning, so I let her pick what she wanted for lunch. And in the rush to get out the door in the morning I had not had coffee. So we had Subway and Starbucks.

Oops.

So to make up for it, I decided to leave my weekly mad money in the account and consider this my personal spending allowance. And I started adding "Do not buy anything" to my daily to-do list. Is that not the saddest thing you've ever heard? Besides the horrors of things like human trafficking, genocide, and disease? I think my to-do list comes right after disease.

On October 14th, I ordered some PlayDoh from Amazon to keep at my inlaws' house. They're keeping a family friend's preschool-age son during the day for a few weeks and the set looked like something he could get a lot of use out of, plus all the kids can use it when they go over there. Also, I had a $10 gift card, so it only cost me a buck out of pocket. Well worth it.

On the 18th, I bought Bear some boots. It finally got too cold for flip-flops, so this was an actual necessity. Then we got Wendy's for lunch on the way home. Also a total necessity, because I was very hungry, which makes me very grumpy, and Mean Jen was starting to blame every car on the road for every problem she'd ever had. Quick food was mandatory.

On the 20th, we had fast food again. This was because we'd all had sort of a long day and were in wretched moods and I WAS NOT COOKING ANYTHING.We may or may not have had fast food again on the 24th. Ahem.

And the on the 26th, I bought Bear some snowpants on Ebay. We got her a really nice winter coat at Once Upon a Child last month, but the snow is coming and she had no snowpants, so I broke my rule. But I got a pair of Zero Xposur snowpants in barely used, pretty-much-brand-new condition for less than $20, including shipping. So her coat AND snowpants (which will both probably still fit her next year) cost me less than $30, total. I feel zero regret about this.

But still. Not great. I am kind of terrible at this. Don't get me wrong—had I not been consciously choosing to avoid extraneous spending most of the time, this list would be much, much longer. So maybe if I treat every month like No Spend Month, it'll sort of balance itself out.

As a side note, I think I have given some people the impression that we are being actively frugal because we are kind of poor. Not the case. We've just discovered how fulfilling it is to feel like we control the spending instead of being controlled by the spending. "That's not in my budget" does not mean "We are broke." It means I have not budgeted for whatever "that" is at this  time and I have more desirable/important places to put that money. Often that place is into our savings account to sit and wait. Buying clothes for the kids at thrift shops or accepting hand-me-downs is not an act of desperation. It's just smart money management.

We are certainly not wealthy (or even upper middle class) people, but we haven't been broke in several years. You know, since I was in college and Husband took a $4 on the hour pay cut for his apprenticeship. The years of buying food with student loan money are behind us. Now we're just exerting control over our finances because it feels GREAT.

This Week in Homebuilding...

We're still firmly entrenched in "hurry up and wait" mode, but we can finally at least see the end of the...trench. I was going to say tunnel, but that is a mixed metaphor, which is apparently my thing. So we're ambling along down this...trench...looking for, um, the part where we the digging stopped and it slopes back up to ground level and I think that's the point where we're all moved into the house and settled.

We are nowhere near that. But we can make it out if we squint. Through our binoculars. Which are standard-issue in trenches, I think.

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This week I began emailing the contractors on our mediumlist so I can whittle it down into a shortlist. People in trenches love whittling. It passes the time. I've heard back from several who were able to eliminate themselves because they don't build in the areas we're looking at, or they only do $350,000+ homes, which is NOT us. There have also been a few that do fit our needs, at least on the surface, and have made it to the shortlist.

On a whim, I also Googled "be your own contractor". *snort* Nahgunna happen.

It's tedious. It brings about more questions that I didn't think of. I'm terrified that the budget we have carefully settled on is going to be inadequate and we won't be able to build next year, or ever. I'm overwhelmed by the sheer number of choices we will be faced with, the headache of making sure everything is right, the worry that stuff isn't being done as well as we were told it would be or with the materials we expected and I won't know the difference until my house starts hemorrhaging energy or my roof need replaced in five years. I'm having daymares about being in this tiny, claustrophobia-inducing, project-riddled house for another five years. I'm scared we'll give up and end up settling for just building in a development on a half acre, or giving up on building all together because it's so incredibly overwhelming.

This process is terrifying.

But it's progress. It's a step toward our dream and I'm trying to enjoy it, even though it's stressful. We're hoping to begin actually talking to builders in person in February, though I am making no guarantees. Right now I wish I could just get my mind off of it. 

Things I Do Not Care For: Homeschool Edition

I really like homeschooling. I do. It's an entire lifestyle, a community, and I'm glad every day that we have chosen it.

However. Like all communities, it comes with its rude neighbors, shady businesses, and dogs barking way into the night. Let's talk about some of those things in the homeschool community.

Things I Do Not Care For: Homeschool Edition

Dads as "principals"

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Oh, HELL, naw. Nothing. NOTHING. NOTHING sends me fleeing from a blog or website faster than seeing a homeschool mom refer to her husband as The Principal. I absolutely hate this. I mean, okay, I can laugh when she makes a tongue-in-cheek reference to sleeping with the principal, because that's kind of funny when the dad has only been cast as the principal for the purpose of the joke.

But this is not so in many homeschool families. I believe every family is different and blah blah blah. But damn, I find this so demeaning. It's sexist and it diminishes the role of the mother to subordinate rather than equal partner. Sure, I do most of the formal "teaching" in our house, but Husband and I make many of the administrative decisions together, and the rest mostly actually fall to me because I am the one in those homeschool trenches every day.

Husband certainly imparts his skills and knowledge to our kids whenever he can, too. But like I said, we are equal partners in this house, and while I consciously try not to judge other people's family setups, this husband/principal crap really pisses in my proverbial Cheerios.


The labeling wars

I have never seen more, abbreviated labels in my life. Everyone's super-special kid has twelve disorders coupled with seventeen various gifted labels. It is not uncommon to see a homeschool parent talk about their "DS, 12, PKD/ESPN/ADHD/OPP/ICP/TTYL/LYLAS with giftedness in LMNOP/G6/PBS" or some shit.

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I'm not saying all the various disorders and learning abilities/disabilities don't exist. I'm also not saying that these kids don't have these various things. What I am saying is that it kills me to see how snippy moms can get, trying to outdo each other with the labels. There is legitimate competition to see whose kid is a more delicate (but also more brilliant!) flower. I roll my eyes daily. It goes well beyond discussion about special needs or learning and devolves right into competition/virtual hair flipping, and it's maddening.


The over-achieving, hyper-stressed Mom

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You know her. She is on that committee. She can organize and supply that bakesale. She knows all those people who are Very Important. She is pretty in a whimsical, thrown-together-but-somehow-still-cute way. And oh, yeah—she's a huge, snippy, passive-aggressive bitch.

I thought I left her behind when we left the public school, but I was wrong. She is alive in the homeschool community and she is THRIVING. She plans all the outings and activities and co-ops and answers every question in a clipped, bothered tone on any and all of the fifteen online groups/boards she runs. She rolls her eyes and rushes around, screaming about how busy she is and that's why she has NO TIME for your shenanigans, yet she cannot stop her compulsive need to volunteer for every, tiny thing that crops up.

The thing about her is, she is actually not a bitch at heart. She is also not like the Annoyingly Perfect Mom because she is not chipper or perfectly put together. She is stressed and grumpy because she cannot say no, because she is a perfectionist to a fault, and because she genuinely wants to be more helpful than humanly possible.

So yeah. She drives me insane, but she's also misunderstood. It's due to her own actions, yeah, but still. You know if you need anything, OAHSM will jump over a semi truck to help you. She'll be frazzled and irritable and brash, but she will help. So while she is one of the most maddening, confusing, illogical people you've ever met, you know she means well and you simply thank her while biting your tongue and then shaking your head in private. She's a mess, but she's good people. And aren't most of us?